Disclaimer: The author accepts no responsibility for offence caused, given that such offence results from one’s own personal insecurities. This post may also contain spoiler material for those not familiar with the DI Frank Lyle Mystery Series.
As the season of Goodwill draws near I thought I’d have a bit of fun reworking this classic Christmas song in line with the DI Frank Lyle Mystery Series. It won’t be like any version you’ve ever heard that’s for sure.
On the first day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me, one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the second day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the third day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the fourth day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the fifth day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the sixth day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me six worried clergymen, five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the seventh day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me seven obvious suspects, six worried clergymen, five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the eighth day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me eight witness statements, seven obvious suspects, six worried clergymen, five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the ninth day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me nine indecent images, eight witness statements, seven obvious suspects, six worried clergymen, five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the tenth day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me ten dead foreigners, nine indecent images, eight witness statements, seven obvious suspects, six worried clergymen, five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the eleventh day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me eleven successful convictions, ten dead foreigners, nine indecent images, eight witness statements, seven obvious suspects, six worried clergymen, five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
On the twelfth day of Christmas DI Lyle showed to me twelve loyal colleagues, eleven successful convictions, ten dead foreigners, nine indecent images, eight witness statements, seven obvious suspects, six worried clergymen, five methods of murder, four different motives, three men with guilty secrets, two rape-murder victims and one cadaver in the mortuary.
I tried not to make it too depressing, but I bet many coppers make up similar versions along these lines. The more astute readers among you will be able to work out which books and characters the song refers to.
After all Christmas isn’t a happy joyful time for everyone even if it does turn out to be Murder-Free. After reading this I hope you’ll think of the people who are less than fortunate, who face their first Christmas after the death of someone they loved, those who have had real financial struggles,
I promise I’ll try to focus on something more joyful next week.
You can buy the latest DI Lyle book A Winter Murderland here
You can check out my interview on Authors to watch right here. A few comments would be appreciated.
Finally may I wish you all a murder-Free Christmas.